What Getting Cheated On Actually Feels Like + How To Handle It
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There’s no easy way to start this article so let’s just do it. I wish I had something clever or funny to say about infidelity, but for once I’m out of jokes. Having someone you really care about betray your trust is no laughing matter. If you’re reading this article because you’ve been cheated on then let me remind you that you were able to live before you met that person and you’ll survive after them. If you’re reading this just because then grab your wine and enjoy the ride.
Did your mom ever sit down and tell you the real tea on what it’s liked to be cheated on?
If you actually had that cautionary conversation with one of your parents growing up then be thankful because I’ve come to the realization that most of us 20-somethings never did. Until it happened to me everything I knew about cheating came from lifetime shows and dramatic movies where clothes are set on fire and the man usually gets slapped! The older I get the more I realize how common cheating actually is. It’s sad but honestly I’m actually surprised when I hear about someone’s relationship ending and infidelity wasn’t the cause. I’ve had conversations with multiple women and men about this topic. The details of course are different per person, but there are a lot of similarities I’ve realized overall.
Getting cheated on really sucks. Period.
It’s honestly embarrassing to admit that someone at some point thought so little of me that they were able to do this. (and in my case it was on more than one occasion) In my experience getting cheated on was definitely the worst thing to experience throughout our entire relationship. When I found out, I went through a ton of different emotions all at once. I felt angry, sad, embarrassed, betrayed, and obviously heartbroken. By some miracle, I managed to not set anything on fire like all those movies trained me to do. I just remember playing the same sad songs on repeat and crying until nothing else came out. What none of those movies prepared me for was the wave of trust issues and insecurities that would follow. I spent.. well entirely too long feeling like I would never be enough. Not thin enough. Not pretty enough. Not smart enough. Not thick enough. Not light enough. Just not enough for anyone. I truly believed that his actions were somehow partially my fault. I went through a period of time comparing myself with all the other women he made feel special while he was supposed to only reserve that side of himself for me. This and stalking his social media was probably one of the lowest points of the breakup aftermath. At the time, I had never been so infatuated with someone & I was convinced I would never find someone to make me feel that way again. I started to believe that iniquitous voice in my head that was telling me that he was the only person who would ever be willing to “deal with me.” After I ended our relationship, I constantly battled my heart with my logic. Logically, I eventually realized there is nothing I could have done to prevent what he did and he did not deserve that place in my life again. However, in my heart I missed my best-friend. I missed the person to do everything with and who I couldn’t wait to tell everything to.
So, now what?
I wish someone could’ve made me believe back then that everything I was feeling would actually come to a halt eventually. The best piece of advice I can give you is to end all contact with that person for awhile. I understand this may not be possible for everyone depending on your circumstances. But even if you have to communicate with them you need to set boundaries. You can handle this situation with a lot more peace of mind when you don’t creep on your exes page. I don’t know your ex, but I can almost promise you there is nothing on their page that will make you feel better. Yes I want all of my lovelies to be happy and know they’re worth a healthy, happy, Pinterest worthy relationship. But don’t rush your sad stage because it’s only going to be emotional vomit later and no one wants that. Watch all the sad movies your heart desires and sing as loud as possible in the shower. It’s okay to have to feelings sis. Don’t allow yourself for even a moment to question your worth based on the actions of others. His ignorance on art doesn’t change the fact that your heart is a masterpiece that is meant to be treasured. Use this time to focus on becoming the best version of yourself. Keep yourself busy with positive and productive activities because having time too much time to overthink will only make you want to take a bite of romaine lettuce. (it’s currently on recall here) Spend time with your loved ones, try new things, be a tourist in your own city, but please if nothing else… leave your hair alone!